


i wake up more awake than i've ever been before

by ShakyHades



Series: Atlas [8]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin and Obi-Wan have Issues™ they need to work through, Anakin is a Mess™, Angst with a Happy Ending, Force Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, cause i'm a sap and can't leave them suffering, could be read as slash or gen, of course they do., of course they wait until they're dead to resolve their issues, of the emotional variety, who knows! you decide!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 21:40:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5981794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShakyHades/pseuds/ShakyHades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The road to redemption is never easy. Others may forgive you for what you have done, but the hardest part is always learning how to live with yourself again, even more after being an instrument of great destruction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i wake up more awake than i've ever been before

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Pluto, by Sleeping At Last, the artist I love with all my heart.  
> This is un-beta-ed, so I'm sorry for any mistakes. Feel free to point them to me!

To Anakin, being a Force Ghost was strange. After all the damage he'd done to the galaxy, he was still allowed to keep his individuality and see his children and old master again. He didn't think it was fair to the ones he had killed, that he got this chance while the others rejoined the flow of the Force. But at times, he thought it was not a blessing, but a curse, to truly see how many lives he had destroyed.

The day the Empire and himself had fallen, he had stood beside Obi-Wan and Yoda, watching his body burn and his son grieve. He had smiled at them at the time, happy to have a body again, to be besides them once more. But the moment passed, and now he could not stop himself from running every time his old master came to him, guilt and shame making him flee until Obi-Wan gave up for the day.

He knew one day he would be unable to run, but he had decided to postpone it as much as he could. It hurt, seeing Obi-Wan and remembering how Anakin was the one to destroy everything the other had held dear, including himself. The fact that his master didn't seem to blame him made it worse, because he did not deserve his kindness and forgiveness.

But Obi-Wan would give them anyway.

He missed their bond and camaraderie, the times they trusted each other with their lives. Well, the latter isn't applicable anymore, since they are ghosts, but the point stands. He missed simpler times. But he's so afraid and ashamed that he doesn't even try to get it back. It's not like he thinks he deserves it anyway.

He was so immersed in his mental ramblings that he didn't even notice an achingly familiar presence get closer. Lost in self-hate, he spent minutes just glaring at the floor, unable to feel Obi-Wan sitting besides him. But when his focus on the real world comes back for a while, he catches a glimpse of a brown coat that is not his, and reacts so violently that his master stares at him in surprised amusement.

It takes Anakin a few seconds to realize that he had shrieked, and it takes no time at all for his face to flush and heat, loudly broadcasting his embarrassment. He is spooked, desperate to flee, his mind screaming at him to run and hide, to _escape_ , but it feels like the roots on the forest floor have captured and immobilized him. He doesn't, _can't_ look at his master's face, even though he knows Obi-Wan is waiting for him to do so. Anakin is trembling now, only vaguely processing the fact that his master is holding his wrist in a firm but gentle grasp, to stop him from fleeing again.

Each second felt like an eternity, Anakin looking at anything but his master, his heart beating fast. As if far away, Anakin hears the low sound of a sigh, and suddenly Obi-Wan is right there in front of him, forcing him to look at his face. The moment that Anakin starts to turn his head, he hears his master say his name firmly, demanding immediate attention, and even after years away from the man, he can't stop his body from obeying, from aborting the motion and holding his glance.

He doesn't realize he's still trembling until Obi-Wan sighs again and picks him up, depositing Anakin on his lap, embracing him to comfort and prevent him from escaping at the same time. And Anakin doesn't try to stop himself from embracing Obi-Wan back, hiding his face in his master's neck like a little child. It's painful, to want something so badly and still feel like you don't deserve it.

It takes a long while for Anakin to realize that he is crying, and once he does, he can't stop the sob from escaping his throat. He hugs Obi-Wan tighter, crying in earnest now, broken sounds escaping from his mouth, words that vaguely sound like _I'm sorry_ and _Please forgive me, Master_. He barely feels Obi-Wan's hands on his back and hair, pushing him closer, and Anakin curls up even more on his lap.

When he snaps out from his stupor, he feels warm again. His face is a mess and probably very disgusting, and he regrets wetting Obi-Wan's neck and the collar of his tunic, but he's so drained that he couldn't move even if he wanted. If it was up to Anakin, they would stay forever like this, with his master's hands drawing circles in his back, humming a random tune. When he tries to take a deep breath, his whole body shudders, trying to rid itself of the last drops of his grief. Obi-Wan notices, of course, but seems to be happy to stay there for a while more, holding and comforting Anakin.

After a while, Anakin feels ready to attempt looking at Obi-Wan's face once more, and moves to do so. If he still had a physical body, he knows that it would be complaining very loudly at him now, for keeping the same position for what felt like hours. When he does looks at his master's eyes, it feels like a huge burden has finally fallen from his shoulders. Obi-Wan smiles, slow and honest, and takes Anakin's face in his hands.

"There is no need for running, Anakin. It feels like an unfair and ungrateful chance, to be like this, I know. But we were given a chance, to make things better, even if only between ourselves, and I won't let you throw it away. Are you ready to try again?"

And it's Anakin's turn to smile, feeling bashful and embarrassed at himself again, but this is Obi-Wan, the man who had seen him at his absolute best and worst, and the younger man has a sudden need to be completely honest with his master from now on, until forever. He deserves it, more than anything.

"I am, Master. I am truly sorry for my actions, I-"

"No need to apologize again, Anakin. Or ever, in fact. Just relish in this, take this chance for the blessing it is." Obi-Wan interrupts.

Anakin grins, finally starting to feel a little like his old self. "Yes, Master," he says, and is happy as Obi-Wan takes it for the teasing it is, his expression turning exasperated.

The _thank you_  goes unsaid as they rearrange themselves again, happy to stay intertwined for a few more moments. This, Anakin feels, is like the other half of your soul finally slotting back into place. At last, he is complete.


End file.
